From Crafting to My Own Kind of Therapy…

When I first started this blog, my idea was to post as many crafting ideas as I could. The only issue is when you have an anxious mind like I do it is sometimes hard to focus on one thing. Or even put too much effort into my task at hand.

When I do have an idea in mind I do go all out. For instance, I made cards for a while. I loved making them and seeing the reactions from the people who received them. I bought all the materials and supplies for it, spent a lot of money and temporarily filled a void that I was feeling. My first thought was to start a card making business, but again I stopped before I could even see any kind of profit. See below:

Before I started making cards though, I made jewelry. I made rings, bracelets, and necklaces sometimes. I also spent a ton of money and focused on that. I kept thinking if I filled a void that I was feeling with crafts or tasks I would cure my moments of sadness or overwhelming anxiety I would feel. keep in mind this was all before I was officially diagnosed with anything. I really didn’t know for sure what was going on but it was something.

One of the things that I did that would help me the most was write. No matter what hobby I got into, writing was always my fall back. It was the thing I would go to when everything else failed. Or when I failed. I would see every hobby I didn’t follow through with as a failure. I wasn’t good enough to succeed. The thing is though that that thought was never true. It wasn’t that I was a failure, it was just bringing me closer to realizing what I have and what I need to do to heal my mind and body.

This blog will be my little outlet. It will be my diary, my constant and the one thing to keep me sane on the days when I feel like I am a lost puppy. I promise all posts will not be so heavy and emotional. I will have good days. I will have celebrations and hopefully I can bring you along to celebrate with me! In the end I do appreciate all of you who spend the time and read these. You are making the conscious effort in understanding someone who has mental health issues. You are helping in the stigma. You will be the reason things change for the better in not only my life but others who are suffering.

I hope you all have a wonderful evening!
Please like, comment, and even follow along!
Also if you would like to follow along with my instagram page see the link below:
https://www.instagram.com/thecrafteddremer/

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To the ones that are called “Too Sensitive”…

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Oh how true is that. I understand that as time passes the pain becomes less but it truly is never gone for me. From each moment of pain there is also a memory of where it came from. From friendships that went wrong, to loosing a family member/pet, to the relationships you never thought would end. I believe that some people feel stronger than others. Some people can just relate to any situation and feel what others are feeling when they are hurt.  

Since being diagnosed with depression and anxiety things have been a little tricky for me. I try not to hide the fact that I am depressed or have anxiety, but lets face it … Even if I wanted to hide it, I couldn’t. I don’t hide my emotions well. You can read my face like a book. People can tell right away if I am sad, happy, angry, frustrated and the list goes on. Sometimes it helps a situation because I am not good at expressing myself. But in a lot of cases it isn’t. In those moments of pure depression and sadness I want nothing more than to be in my bed and to be alone. 

When I am forced to be out of my comfort and safe zone, I try my hardest to be the happy easy going woman that most people want to be around. Most people don’t want to be around the “sad” ones only because it might take away from their own personal joy. So the comments “You are too sensitive”, “It’s not that bad”, “don’t take things too seriously” or my favourite which is “Oh just get over it”, start to come out. Those comments really do hurt more then you will ever know! 

I’m going to explain something to you all, when a comment like “you are too sensitive” is said because you showed a small moment of hurt when something was said to you it starts a vicious circle of self doubt in my mind. The first thing I think of is “oh crap I’m showing too much emotion”, then the “Be happy, Smile, Don’t show them it hurt” starts to run through my mind. I start to think I need to act happier, laugh more, joke more and also (which is completely opposite to everything) stop talking as much or even hang around as much.  I start to feel like I am a burden or even people don’t like me as much. I don’t know how to act, I don’t know if people are talking behind my back or even wanting me around anymore. It is one of the most vicious things I put myself through, and all because of 4 words. I try to work on it, and I try to work on my reactions to things being said. It just never works. 

I am starting to realize who the people are that I can call my army. What I mean by that is the people who will stand guard with me when I am having those moments of self hate and doubt. The ones who will show me what true strength is and the ones who will no matter what emotion I am going through, will love me fully. Those people are the ones I will cherish with every ounce of my being. They have helped me breathe when I am having an anxiety attack, the ones that will wipe my tears away when they just won’t stop falling down my face, and the ones that will laugh with me when I am having good days. 

Yes, that is a thing in my life. Having good days. A good day is when I can say I didn’t have moments of self hate or even doubt. I wake up happy conquer the day and say “I made this day my bitch”. Those are the days I love. I know I will have bad days and days where leaving my home is pure torture. I just need to remind myself that those are just small bumps in my road to self love. 

Next time someone says you are too sensitive, remember that being sensitive isn’t a bad thing. It helps you feel emotions that most will not know how to feel. It can help you connect with someone who is having a hard day and even help you celebrate when they are having a good day.

I know I can take things a little different then most, but that is just the beauty of who I am. I am someone who loves hard, who appreciates all the small things, who can feel what most can’t and who is not afraid of admitting I have mental health issues. 

I am Erin. I have anxiety which can at times debilitate me, I also suffer from depression which will take over my mind and cloud every judgement I have about myself. With that being said, I have the determination to overcome those bad days and enjoy the good ones. I laugh harder when I need to, I cry when my body tells me to and I love when others find it hard to. 

For those who read these from start to finish, I praise you. I praise you because you show you are trying to understand my complicated self, you support all my thoughts I have, and without knowing. You give me hope that better days are coming. I love you. 

The Codependent Devil…

I’m sure we have all had the feeling of codependency at one point in our lives. For me though it is all the time. Codependency can damage anyones self growth or self-worth. I call it the devil within because of the fact that it has changed how I react to every situation in my life. It alters the most simple of thoughts and situations into mind altering self sabotage. 

The most common thought in mind is “what did I do wrong?”… Simple as that. When I am fighting with someone, or when someone disappears from my life or even when someone talks to me with a bit of attitude. My first thought is always to what I did wrong  in the situation, or how I caused it. In reality though, I can not control how people react in different situations or even how people think. As much as I would like to be the person that can help others in any moment, or be the person that people go to when they need it I know I can’t be. I can’t be the one to fix all the issues because in some way I might be the issue for that person. 

I am a very sensitive person who does take a lot of things to heart. I feel deeply and always end up getting my heart-broken or feelings hurt in some small way. As much as I might hate it and want to change it. I can only embrace how I have turned out. It has given me the ability to put myself in someone else shoes and feel how they feel, it has given the ability to feel pure compassion but it has also given me something that I would love to change. It has made me a codependent person. I don’t know how it happened or why, but it has. I needed people to like me, I needed people to love me, I needed people to need me and I needed people to be happy with me and want me in their lives. In turn when growing up, and I was excluded or something happened I would take blame and ask what I did wrong and what I could do to change it. How is that fair? It really isn’t but it’s just how my mind worked and if I’m being totally honest, it still does. I know it is because of how sensitive I am. 

Because of this, it has now caused me to hurt more deeply than anyone should. When I have friends who decide that they don’t want me in their life anymore I would always question why it was so easy. Is it because I’m sensitive? It is because I was too needy? Is it because of my looks and weight and they would be embarrassed to be around me [that’s a whole other issue in its self]? What did I do wrong? Why me? Those are the harmful questions I would ask myself which in turn would turn my anxiety on overdrive. I would hide away in my safe spots in my home which I know would never turn on me. I lost friends, gained new ones, lost those and stopped trying. It has taken me to now [Almost 30….. wtf?] to realize I can’t change people. I can’t get hurt when people decide to drop me out of no where. I am worth the friendship and worth being in peoples lives. If they can’t see it… It is NOT my fault. There I said it. Something that isn’t in my control and that is not my fault. It is not my fault when people decide to move on and grow apart. I know it is a two-way street but I can only try for so long before it hurts too much to keep going. 

I have to learn to slowly become less codependent and more of who I should be. I don’t think I can become less sensitive because lets face it. That one is hard to get over. I do however need to learn to let go. I need to learn to stop taking the blame and stop over analyzing EVERY situation in my life. Things don’t go wrong because of just me. In life it is always a two-way street. If I failed, it’s also because the other person stopped trying. 

It is a long journey but I know in the end it will be worth it. I will continue to grow as a person and slowly get over these dark thoughts that I have. Thanks for following along 🙂 Until next time! Keep smiling and stay truthful to yourself. 

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Fear number one…

One of my fears in life is letting people down. I have always been a people pleaser [at least I think I am]. I put some peoples happiness before mine. I don’t say or do certain things because I think I am going to hurt their feelings or create confrontation. For my anxious mind confrontation is one of the worst things possible. The thought of having to say how I truly feel or possibly start a disagreement gives me endless stomach aches and heart aches. 

I don’t know what the fear in confrontation is but it’s there and it’s big. Over the past couple of months I have slowly started to find my voice and find the strength in myself. I am letting people know how I feel even if it takes me a little bit longer then it should to open up. I realize the fact that I hate confrontation, and I hate having someone upset or mad at me that I basically put a invisible door mat in front of me. It allowed everyone to say what they wanted, do what they wanted and act how they wanted full well in knowing my feelings aren’t important to who ever it was. People treated me exactly the way I let them. I allowed everyone to treat me the way they did all because I was afraid of being an after thought or not included anymore. 

Stand Up for Yourself

I have to learn that putting my happiness is number one. If people wanted to stay in my life and be in my life even after I confront them then I know they are someone worth my time. I have to learn to let go when needed, hold on when worth it, and embrace any change that will be coming my way. 

Finding your people is an important thing. Having people you can fully trust is big for me. I have been burned by close friends, laughed at by “best friends” and forgotten about by the ones who meant the most to me. It truly does suck to have people who you thought would stand with you at all times basically just drop you the second you aren’t a convenience to them anymore. 

There are certain people that you know you can trust the second you meet them. That there is a connection and full understanding without even having to saying anything and those people are the ones to hold on to at all costs. I am lucky enough to have a couple of those people in my life. They are the ones that can make me laugh till everything hurts, that can see me cry and still love all of me, and finally can see all of my flaws and still see someone worth knowing and keeping in their life. 

To the people that read my previous post and embraced all of it. I thank you. Thank you for the encouragement that I needed. You are all appreciated. 

Until next time! 

Happy girls are the prettiest…

The one thing that has always been a constant calm in my life is writing. It might sound like gibberish in the end but it is my gibberish. It is my thoughts, my outlet and the one thing that can pull me out of any mood I am in… Well most of the time. I don’t even know what I will gain out of this blog post but I felt like I needed to do something.

Over the past 10 or so years of my life I have had this empty feeling. The feeling of not being wanted, loved, understood or even liked. I hid away when possible and became a shy introverted self doubting person. I ate my feelings and I self sabotaged whenever possible. Classic things like; “You’re so ugly and fat no-one will want you”, “No-one likes you, stop being so annoying”, “Everyone will be happier without me in their life”… Now that thought was the one that played the most in my mind and still does to this day.

Whenever I am alone I find that I am putting myself down and finding every reason for someone not to like me either romantically or as a friend. To end those thoughts, I would either put something funny on T.V. or shop for stuff I know I don’t need. I was trying to fill the void I feel all the time. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it did not. I have never self harmed, never thought of ending my life [even though I did think people would be happier without me] but I know I am not ok.

Some people to this day don’t know what I deal with, only because I was afraid. I was afraid of judgements, of being seen as weak, and the most common thought that I have is of being less desirable. Which is crazy because the person who loves you should love all of you and your feelings. 

I need to learn to accept who I am and love myself. 

Things I love about myself: 

  1. That I have the best family even though I can be a huge struggle to deal with 
  2. I do have a few good friends who I know I can go to with anything and be loved fully 
  3. That as much as I put myself down, I can still find good in myself
  4. My Smile
  5. My Eyes
  6. That I can make people smile and laugh
  7. That I can love others even though I am still learning to love myself
  8. Even though I am a bit nervous to write and share this with others I think it will help
  9. I am starting to do things for myself to help my peace of mind 
  10. Finally, even though I tell myself all the time that I am not enough. I am enough. 

Erin blog Picture

That picture was taken of me by a friend of mine who to this day is still a rock in my life. I really did believe that saying. That Happy girls are the Prettiest. I tried to be as happy as possible.. But in the end, it’s all bullshit. You can be pretty even if you are dealing with daily struggles.  

Thank you for reading along to my crazy anxious mind. 🙂

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Time to give back!

Hello everyone!

Today is a special Blog. Today is all about giving back and a person who personifies that every day of her life.

One of my friends Brittany is all about doing good. She is active in charities and also started her own business which part of the proceeds go towards The Alzheimer Society of Canada.

I asked Brittany to write about her life and also her business:
Treasured Minds . Below is from Brittany herself! Please enjoy and also please visit her site and help her raise money and awareness for The Alzheimer Society of Canada.

“I have always tried to proactively look for ways to help out in the community, whether it be volunteering or participating in different charity events. I have been a part of the Canadian Cancer Society’s relay for Life committee in my community for 5 years. I have grown so close to this event that certain fellow committee members/volunteers feel like a second family. The simple fact is that I love being a part of something greater than myself, and it’s truly amazing to see people come together and share the same passion for helping others. 

This year I wanted to do something different. I wanted to be able to help out a charity that is close to my heart and in my own personal way. The Alzheimer Society of Canada identifies, develops and facilitates national priorities that enable its members to effectively alleviate the personal and social consequences of Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias, promotes research and leads the search for a cure. 

Knowing the charity was the easy part- coming up with the idea for the product was more challenging. I have always loved crafts so the fun part was testing out a product. I came up with coasters for cause! The coasters are crafted from scrapbook paper, ceramic tile and an assortment of waterproof acrylic sealers. These past few months have been fun, exciting and rewarding. I came up with my business name Treasured Minds and I donated $2 from every sale to The Alzheimer Society of Canada. 

I entered in to my first craft show this fall at the Jade Gardens and Greenhouses in Milton, Ontario and had a blast. My family and friends came to support and I met a number of people who had emotional stories o share of loved ones experiencing this diseases. Quite frankly- Just the fact that these people got to open up and share their stories with me was enough of a success in my mind that if i didn’t sell a thing- I would still be so grateful for the experience. The show’s sales were also a success and I went on to creating an ETSY, and also started a line for Christmas. 

This holiday season i have made roughly $700 in sales and I will get to make a donation of at least $100 – Just from the past 3 weeks alone! I am having so much fun in my spare time and it’s such a great feeling that people want to contribute.

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.”

My motto is that if everyone decided to do something to contribute to the world around them – the whole world would benefit. No act of kindness is too small.

Brittany Ramsay
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ETSY: treasuredminds.etsy.com
Instagram: treasured_minds “

Some examples of Coasters Brittany has made:

 

Thank you for reading about the great causes Brittany has helped with. Buy some coasters!!

Until next time,
Erin

Cards, cards and more Cards!

It is officially the holiday season so instead of spending a fortune on cards I figured it would be a nice idea to create some of my own. It is cheaper plus also move love goes into it as well… (Which in my mind, is always a sweet idea 🙂 )

Happy Hanukkah! In this post I will be showing you the fast, simple and cheap alternative Hanukkah card I will be giving out this year.

Here is a step by step process of the Menorah card that I crafted up today!

All you need is:

  • Card stock or simple printer paper
  • Ribbon
  • Markers
  • Glue
  • Scissors

All these supplies you can find at home, or even the dollar store!

Step One: Take your card stock and either fold it in half or have it as a simple post card design

Step Two: Cut the ribbon in two different sizes. 8 pieces all the same and 1 piece longer then the other.

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Step Three: As you can see in the picture above, I decided to draw out in pencil where the flames would be.

Step Four: Next you just colour in the flames and the Happy Hanukkah part.

Step Five: Customize the inside and write whatever you would like 🙂

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With this you can customize it in any way! you can change the ribbon to use the favorite colour of you are giving it too, and also you can even colour in the number of nights it is for Hanukkah.. (e.g. tonight is the third night, so I would only colour in the middle and the three for the night!)

You can create many other designs. Here are a couple different samples I found while searching online…

Here is one from : Better Homes and Gardens.

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This one is so simple yet so beautiful.  The directions are on the site Linked above!

Another cute one I found was from : Split Coast Stampers

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The poster (lisaadd) goes on to explain the different stamps she used plus how she made the Dreidels out of thin wood paper (which would be easy to cut) and then designed them with the different Hebrew lettering!

Well that is all for now for Hanukkah cards, I hope all of you are enjoying your holiday with your family and friends.

Stay tuned for some Christmas cards!
Erin